Authentic and Not Enough

This week was rough, like really rough. Probably one of the worst that I’ve had in recent years.

In full transparency and in hopes of diminishing the stigma of mental health, I suffer from depression. I also crave validation and hate feeling inadequate.

As you may know, I’ve recently committed to rejoining the work force as a YMCA Camp Director. It’s my calling, it’s who I am and it’s the kind of work that will allow me to create a meaningful legacy. I have a strong desire to create something that will outlive my few decades on this earth.

Well this week, Monday afternoon at 2:13pm to be exact (and in aisle 3 of the grocery store, right in front of the granola) I got the news that my “dream job” wouldn’t be hiring me. I was devastated but not because it meant I wouldn’t be pursuing a career at this particular camp but because of the months of work, dedication and effort I put into making these people like me and in the end they didn’t like me.

I know, I know, it’s business not personal.

Well that’s bullshit in my line of work. Summer camp is always personal. It shouldn’t be, but it is. And this week I was judged and fell short. I realize I show my inexperience but saying so, but it’s also something I take immense pride in. Camp is personal.

I don’t know where I go from here. Back to square one I suppose, but I’m so dejected, so sad, so utterly fried that I can’t imagine starting the process all over again. I mean this career move has been months in the making and what did I get out of it? A new perspective hopefully. I can use that… time. For now, I just feel lost, empty, miserable, alone.

My true “blog” colors are showing here, so thanks for sticking it out. This week’s post isn’t professional, it’s a candid response to a terrible week. I’m sure you can understand. Thanks. -Drew

Published by drewdemery

That Summer Camp Guy!

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